St Luke's: Dementia workshop

Peggy Ennis has two interesting ways to describe dementia to those who know little about it. In the first she likens the inner wiring of the right side of the human brain to a set of fairy lights that are not performing at their peak. Some of the bulbs are dim, some are flickering. Others have packed up altogether. It all means we are no longer quite as bright or as flashy as we used to be.

In the second description Peggy uses the metaphor of the bookcase. Imagine, she says, a bookcase made of plywood. Each of its shelves are full of books; each of the shelves represents 10 years of your life; all of the books on each shelf are your memories of that decade. On the bottom shelf are your earliest memories, on the top are your most recent. Push the shelf slightly and it will sway; push it harder and the books on the top shelf will begin to fall off. More pushing and the books on the other shelves will do likewise, but the books on the bottom shelf (your long-term memories) will only fall off after an almighty shove. As you try desperately to put the falling books back on their shelves, many of them will get mixed up. In other words, you become confused. This is what dementia is like.

Now imagine a bookcase made from solid oak. The books on the top shelves might fall, but the stability of the unit will hold many of them in place, allowing the displaced books to be re-stacked on the shelves with some sense of order. This, Peggy says, illustrates the importance of “brain fitness”. Keep your brain exercised and nourished and the effects of dementia can be eased. She has a slogan for this exercise: “a healthy heart means a healthy head”. In other words, regular exercise keeps your mind in tip-top condition.

In the dementia awareness training Peggy delivered to a small group at St Luke’s Community Centre, she then spoke about the left side of the brain and the importance of the emotions. Quite often, she said, we will forget what people told us, what their names were, where we met them and what time they arrived. But we will remember how they made us feel, so using our emotional recollections rather than our factual ones is a good way to compensate once dementia and/or memory difficulties set in. Happy, sad, angry, disgusted, frightened or shocked: these are the experiences we can use to put those books back on the right shelf.

Peggy told us how people with dementia can appear a bit confused, bonkers even. To someone with dementia a polished vinyl floor might look like water; a black rubber slip-mat outside a supermarket door might look like a hole in the ground. This took me straight to a film idea, ‘Dementia Tour Of London’, a kind of funny/serious travelogue in which offspring and parent with early onset wander the capital’s streets seeing everything from a demented point of view.

A message from the departed

Bitching over a dead person's possessions is undignified. By chance, Billy Mann uncovered the perfect solution

The subject had turned to death. He wasn't sure how it happened, but there it was. And before he knew it A_ was telling him about one of the local guys who had recently met his maker, and the rumpus that followed his sad departure. His charred bones had barely cooled ready for the crusher before various junior members of his family were at each other's throats over who gets what. He said I could have his Mexico 70 World Cup stickers book. This was the commemorative pictorial album lovingly stocked and tended by children at the time. That one of Jairzinho was special. What a player!

The conversation continued precariously, and with detailed reminiscences of the 1970 World Cup, until a note of levity could be found. This arrived with a wistful smile and an explanation from A_ of how his own mother scotched the potential for such family strife. She had seen this kind of thing before and was buggered if she was going to see her children bitching over "a few knick-knacks". A_ raised his eyebrows at this point and described a gift he had bought for his mother while on holiday some years ago in Crete. It was a set of small vases or vessels finished with a rather expensive looking lustre glaze. They cost £500. He was quite flush at that time.

A_ began to wonder how much they might be worth today. "I had them valued about 10 years ago and he said one was worth £500". He had three. But the question was itching like mad. What was his mother's magic formula for stopping any arguments over the worldly goods of the deceased? The question continued to knaw, and as it did his thoughts drifted to other examples of this malaise he had known. A_ looked him in the eye as if the answer was too bloody obvious to state. It was. Each time one of her children had brought her a gift, once they had gone she place a small sticker on the item with the name of the gifted, so that when she passed on, whatever you bought her was returned in the spirit of 'What goes around comes around.

Encounter: Dancing in the doorway

A brief conversation left Billy Mann lost for words

They bumped into one another in the doorway to the community centre. They were both visibly pleased by the accidental meeting. 

"I'm here for the folk dancing," one told the other. "Third floor." 

The other, from genuine interest rather than politeness, asked how he had been. 

"Not that good. I haven't been around much, to be honest." He stepped forward, drawing closer, and lowered his tone. "My mate Rita's got cancer." He stepped back and made a rapid swishing motion with the index finger of his right hand. "Had a mastectomy." 
The other felt inadequate, not knowing what the appropriate response was. The truth was he wasn't sure there even was one. They shook hands and went their separate ways.

Conversation: Ball breaker

Billy Mann was not expecting this particular slice of life...

He came and sat down beside me. The large room was virtually empty, so anything spoken in confidence had a good chance of staying that way. 
"The doctor wants to whip off one of my bollocks."
I was not totally blindsided by this statement. He had told me before of the difficulties he experiences in that area. Chief among them was persistent though sporadic testicular pain, the result, he says, of a digestive disease he suffered some years earlier. "That's where all the poison ends up, in your bollocks."
The pain, he said, only arrived following exertion and was controlled easily with generic painkillers.

"If I was in constant pain, I wouldn't hesitate. Straight under the knife, but as it is I can live with it. The doctor still wants it chopped off, though."

I held both hands between my legs, pulled a tortured face and quietly squealed, "Oooo!"
He went on: "He's determined, but I told him I was quite attached to it."

I wanted to ask, "Left or right?" but bottled it, and took a pathetic stab at levity instead.

"Didn't Hitler only have one plum?"

"Nah, that's a myth."

"So, if they lop one off, do you get some kind of falsie to fill the space? A gobstopper thing?""Yes. It's like a ballbearing, same size, same weight. They just make a little slice, pop out the bad ball and put the ballbearing in."

I wanted to ask if he thought a man's attachment to his scrotum can be compared with a woman's feelings about her breasts, but the question seemed unnecessarily stupid and the answer seemed selfevident, so I bottled it, made some excuse, and scuttled out of the room, walking as if I had just dismounted a horse.